As I’ve previously mentioned I am recently single after a nearly 3 year relationship.
This, of course, means I have to get back into the dating game…which is something I am kind of scared of.
Apart from all the usual woe’s of dating: Why won't he call? Where is this going? etc... – I have a particular question that I am battling with;
Is it right to date someone, if I definitely don’t want a relationship?
I am hesitant to even go on a date with someone because I know that even if the man of my dreams came and swept me off my feet I wouldn’t get into a relationship right now because a) I still have strong feelings for my ex and b) After 3 years I want to be single for long enough to get my independence back.
I’m not saying I’m totally refraining from male attention of that kind at all. Infact, Casual and/or drunk hook ups are suiting me just fine at the moment. But I’ve met some really great guys who have asked me out on a date and I’ve just avoiding answering or making plans with them because I’m unsure if I should go on a date with someone who I could potentially fall for – when I am certain I don’t want to be with anyone for a while. In fact, if I happened to go one a date which leads to a few more dates which some how leads to us spending every other night together – I think I’d end up resenting them for taking away my single time.
So what do you think? Is it OK to ‘date’ if I am not interested in a relationship for the time being?
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16 comments:
My theory... especially if you were dating someone for three years... is that you shouldn't jump back into that dating arena so soon.
Let them know you aren't ready. (They'll LOVE that.) But, say no to dating. Give yourself the space and time you need to enjoy being single, have fun, and hang out with the guys if you want, but let it not be under the guise of a date.
Take your time. I got out of a seven year relationship myself one time (that's right, SEVEN) and I didn't date for six months. It just wasn't something I even wanted to do.
Go at your own pace. The guys aren't going anywhere...
As i say to all my single friends, STAY SINGLE FOREVER!
So much easier.
Sure. You are young and having fun...keep it casual.
But only go if you want to go on a date...dont feel like there is something wrong with you if you arent dating. I was single for 3 or 4 years with maybe a date or two a year. I just wasn't interesting in dating and it was much more fun to be on my own. Of course, I didn't get laid either but that doesn't mean you can't!
I think it would be ok as long as the gentleman knows up front!
Definitely. It took a couple years of that to get over my ex. It's fun even when things inevitably peter out after a few dates - lots of delicious meals and drinks out on the town!
I agree with Eileen...have some fun and give yourself some space. Let them buy you drinks though :)
My good friend is recently divorced and is dealing with this. She isn't really ready for a relationship but craves male interaction (i.e. going out to dinner, to a show). She asked me this same question that you are pondering.
I guess the question of should you date if you do not want a relationship involves the other person and if they want a relationship. If they do and you don't, then you probably aren't on the same page and that could cause awkwardness. That has been why certain relationships in my past never worked out (because we both wanted different things).
You seem like a very sweet and intelligent individual. I really wish you all the happiness in the world. Good luck. Hope this comment helped you... :)
"Is it right to date someone, if I definitely don’t want a relationship?" Umm.. yeah, welcome to how most guys seem to approach dating! :) Just go out and have a great time, it's incredibly healthy to do that! It's even better if you're up front and honest w/ the guys about it too... trust me, they will be ok.
Eileen: I think most guys would like to hear that i'm not ready - but of course, there will be the guys who get the 'wrong' impression from that!
Stormin Mormon: I know the guys aren't going anywhere - its just that whenever you AREN'T looking - they are always around =)
Sufercam: Haha Sometimes i think the same thing!!!
Wanderlusting: I think sometimes people expect you to be 'dating' - you went 3 or 4 years without getting laid??? OMG girl - no wonder you like it so much now =)
Neverezme: Thanks. I definitely wont be leading anyone on.
Wisco: Thats what I'm hoping for - good times, nice meals, drinks with no strings attached. haha
Scorpy: I wouldn't have it any other way hehe
A novelist: Thanks!! And I do agree - it'll only work if someone wants the same thing! Somehow I don't think there'll be a shortage of guys who don't want commitment.
Single Guy: Thank you for the males perspective!!! =)
"Is it right to date someone, if I definitely don’t want a relationship?"
Sure. Aim for guys who are unavailable. Get them to buy you things.
Well, save a month or two - but yeah, pretty much. I didn't want to date and I don't do casual sex so there really wasn't much choice!
I few casual dinners or drinks will never do any harm.
I'm torn between the wait or jump right back on the horse. What if some wonderful man that could potentially be your life long partner comes along and you have on your forehead 'I'm not dating anyone now'.
Someone will sweep you off your feet and you wont even think about the time you're supposed to have between relationships. Who's theory was it anyway to have a specific about of time before falling for someone again?
Like I should talk really, single for 2 years and hmmmm 3 months, my idea these days of a long term relationship is having a 3 course dinner :-)
Of course it is ok! And I agree with Stormin and Wander...
Keep it casual.
Maybe you ask too many questions?
You could just go for it and see what happens?
Graffiti
Aw man. Now I am in the same boat as you.
But I totally agree with Stormin. I couldnt see myself dating for at least 3-6 months.
Open to fun dates? yes. Relationship?
NO!
This is ME ME ME time. And this is your YOU YOU YOU time!
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